The dark side of your bright life

I am going through a turmoil of emotions right now. Am Happy, Am Glad, Am Satisfied yet i feel somewhat lonely, somewhat lost and somewhat Fearful of loosing something, and yet i dont know what that something is..And yet if i think its the same thing that i am thinking about, its never been mine so how would it matter, i mean something which was never with you, how can you loose it!!!!

I know that its nothing but some random thoughts that are running through my head, but then i do have my own reasons and conceptions to back them up with. Some things are worth experiencing and realising, but then sometimes one of the experience takes you over and you dont realize that you have been flown away from rational reality. I am a very emotional person, but then some of the past experiences have made me so practical that i didnt realize that i am being pessimist and think so negatively about someone or in that matter everyone. Its something that i realized when i was speaking with my friend and making him realize that he's running after a mirage(his crush or his so called "un-attainable love") and he needs to get a hold of himself, cause i had a long Black list of that guy, About his behavior and thinking and no ways could i think beyond his negativity's. But then whatever my friend said about him was making me realize that the other person does care about him, but then somehow i wasnt able to accept it. And then he did tell me that he knows that his feelings will never be reciprocated but then the guys attention and care is enough for him. And thats when i realized that how much i have changed and i was afraid of myself. The change that I had been so Proud of something due to which i was able to achieve so many things in my life, My job, my promotion, my friends.....though i know it all happened over a period of time, but i never saw or gave a thought about the dark side of it.

And then i got back to my very own routine. Hanging out with friends, visiting Open Space for screening of a movie(which was good, nice food for thought...!!!) and then Shaan invited me to a get together party with his friends, which was great fun and i really had a great time, after all, it was my first night, out of my house.I slept for entire day and then went through my dairy which i used to write when i was in 12th, thats about 4 years ago and i got to know so much about myself and then, certain recent incidents, just added to my recent storm of emotions.